Half a million pounds. That’s how much the average house in London now costs. Half. A. Million. Sodding. Pounds. Actually, if we’re being precise, it’s £514,000, and for god’s sake how has it come to this?

The latest Office for National Statistics figures for July 2014 have revealed this psychological hammerblow. For anyone still harbouring crazy dreams of owning their own home, first time buyers in London are paying an average of £374,000 from average incomes of £74,000. Yeah, we laughed bitterly, too. And don’t forget that crashing through the £500,000 barrier involves an extra 1% stamp duty.